I am shocked, angered, saddened, frustrated, fatigued, fearful, yearning.
I am all of these things, and more. So are many others.
We should never have lost black lives, nor police lives.
We should never have lost the lives of those in the Pulse nightclub.
We should never have lost Christina Grimmie.
We should never have lost any of these people, and more, of all the massacres, the killings, the bullying, the lynching... and still more.
Yet instead of uniting and building community, instead of supporting and loving the people around us who feel the same grief and frustration and desire for peace, we do anything but. Instead of love, hatred is spread. Instead of support, blame is given.
I have been discouraged, disheartened, sickened and tired. I have thought countless times that this is enough. I have shouted and screamed and tried to get the voices of suffering communities heard, and people who do not listen will not listen. Human nature is loathe to change, to admit wrongdoings and misconceptions. I have had thoughts of hopelessness, of despair, of giving up because this fight is long and tiring and seemingly endless.
I let myself feel it, and then I push on. I know the pain of my friends, of the people in my community. I know I am not alone. I know that once upon a time, the world was very different, and we pushed it to where it is today, for better and for worse in many respects. Change is coming. We can't afford to give up now; the cost that we suffer is, as much as it hurts, less than what we suffer if we stand by and stay silent during injustice. I am willing to take that backlash. I thank God for everyone willing to be part of it. For every act of hatred, we will replace it with acts of love and love and love and love.
They can hate us, accuse us, defame us, kill us. But they will never silence us. People die, but ideas and revolutions live on.
We will keep fighting the good fight.